Ivy M.

The Word ‘Asshole’ (n): The guy who never replies to a letter as charming as this one. I have no excuse Ivy, I’m an asshole. I deserve a serious tongue lashing especially on the crotch region! Ok, bull dung aside, this would look like a letter but I never paid any attention in class. i.e I don’t know how to format a letter. iApologise.

Anyhu, I’m no longer in school Ivy, I dropped out! You shouldn’t be shocked everyone saw it cumming (excuse my grammEr, it’s been a while since I wrote anything.) Let’s say me and education were not cut out for each other, especially Maths. I mean who cares about two men digging a shamba at the speed of x acres/hour and four men digging the same shamba at the speed of y acres/hour? Ask me about two men digging a girl at 55 thrusts per minute and four men at the same speed and I’ll tell you that that girl is a hoe!

Since my school life was heading nowhere I tried to be a driver, tout, assistant tout, butcher (pale ngara) but I failed at all. I would tell you what my current vocation is but it might land me in the cooler for the better part of my youth. Let’s just say that I’m in between jobs and between other things, like legs… <– See what happened to me since you left? I’m a total jerk, the kind that your parents warned you about…

To answer your question, the one about bhang, I have this HIGH feeling that you already know the answer… <– I hope that answers your question. Now about my two friends, Mike and Chalo, { it’s Kyalo, yes? You always had problems with Kamba names…} well, they have been busy… They got your INSYDA {pay attention to the word INSYDA} shout outs right before I walked out on education and it kinda got them mixed up. Either that or they were born the way they’re now… See, after the INSYDA, shout outs they kinda developed an inside thing of their own…

In simpler terms, they are now inside each other most of the time they’re together. Do you see why I think your INSYDA thing had a hand in their being #muffledkillers? As in INSYD-HER, you know, one of them has to be the girl in their arrangement, right? I was thinking my future was fucked up but as it turns out, theirs is shit, like literally!

I would love to keep writing, there is so much I would love to share with you but I can’t stay in one place for too long. I have recently become a person of interest… Yes I have all sorts of people interested in me and for the wrong reasons!!

From what I hear, Valentine’s day is at the next corner. I hope you got yourself a man to take you out cause let’s face it, your hand won’t talk to talk to you after the deed, not that the man will but he might say something in his sleep, like his ATM pin or his safe combination… You never know, right?

Write you soon Ivy, don’t ever lose that smile…

Mad Blogger